When my daughter hit her senior year, her school started posting all the senior events on their Facebook page, so I was there more than usual. Not one for social media in general, around December, I began to see posts from parents with the hashtag #ProudMama, highlighting their teens’ college acceptance moments.
When I saw the posts, I was genuinely excited for her classmates (and still am today), but it caused something to stir up inside me. I mean, I was proud of my daughter too, but…
My daughter hadn’t gotten any acceptances yet.
My daughter wasn’t sure about her options.
My daughter was panicking because she didn’t have a plan, and “all her classmates” did.
So, what did I do? Like any good mama, I started posting about our college and military office visits (she had at one time considered the military) to join in and make sure my daughter felt included. I began to “encourage” her to get her applications filled out so we could post her acceptance moments. I kept checking other parents’ posts to see how they had announced it so I would be ready when it was “our turn.”
Can you relate?
Even in the best of times, social media can cause us to compare ourselves to those posts we see, but when it’s college acceptance time, that comparison can run rampant, causing teens and their parents to panic. So, why did I get involved in it?
One word: FOMO.
I was afraid of missing out. Even though I’m uncomfortable engaging in the comparison culture of social media, I posted because I felt the pressure to show my teen was succeeding like everyone else’s.
I’ll be the first to tell you that I think posting about the milestones in our children's lives is a wonderful thing to share, and I still engage in this for both of my children. But there is something innately uncomfortable about the whole college acceptance post practice.
I believe it has to do with how we, as a culture, define success.
We have been told for decades that success is defined by a college degree. We have been assured that if we (and now our children) get a college degree, success in finding a good job that pays well is guaranteed.
This is not true. A college degree (or any other education and training option doesn't guarantee anything.
What defines success? That is determined by each individual. What you want out of life and what I want out of life may be vastly different, yet both of us can claim we are successful when we achieve the goals we set to realize that life.
Yet, the well-intentioned hype around posting college acceptances remains the standard for success.
I don’t believe we should stop this process, but I do believe we need to focus more on celebrating ALL post-high school plans.
So this season, as you work with your teens on their post-high school plans, I would love it if we could celebrate all their goals:
Post about your teen's acceptance to a trade school.
Post about your teen's choice to attend a community or technical college.
Post about your teen's decision to engage in an apprenticeship.
Post about your teen's plans for a gap year.
Post about your teen's enlistment in a military branch or commitment to enroll in the reserves or ROTC program.
And then…
CELEBRATE your friends when they post! Comment, share, and support these teens and their parents for choosing their own path to success!
Instead of focusing on just one marker of success, let’s realize that there are as many pathways to success as there are individuals, and encourage each other and our teens to define that pathway for themselves.
#ChooseYourOwnPath, my friends, and let’s remind our teens that they will find success when they own THEIR pathway and don’t compare themselves to anyone else's.