“I don’t know if you can help my son, but…”
This is how almost every conversation starts when someone learns I am a teen and young adult career coach, and I love it because I believe ANY teen can build a career pathway.
This particular parent followed with, “He hates school, won’t talk with me at all about any post-high school plans, and all he seems to want to do is sit in his room and play video games. I have no idea what to do with him! If we are not fighting about his schoolwork, we are fighting about how much he plays on that thing. If we aren’t fighting about that, he is staring blankly at me after saying, ‘I don’t know,’ when I ask him what he wants to do after high school, if he even graduates!”
I asked her what she was most worried about.
“I am afraid if he doesn’t get good grades, his options will be limited, and he won’t get into a good college, won’t get a good job, and will stay in his room playing video games and never get anywhere in life.”
This is a more common situation than most parents realize. It can be video games, social media, hanging out with friends, working, or focusing on a sport—any number of things that seem to take priority over school, causing many parents to panic.
Why?
Because we operate under the belief that good grades equal success in life.
Here’s the truth: Grades are only important for two things—graduating high school and getting into a 4-year college.
Think about it. The high school diploma is the baseline for a job (or the GED equivalent), so students do need to get their diploma. However, a C-average (passing with a 70% or higher) is still enough to earn a high school diploma. The only reason anyone needs higher grades is to be competitive when applying to a 4-year college or university right after high school.
Let that sink in for a moment.
It's time to break the mold. Technical and community colleges, trade schools, and the military only require a diploma or equivalent. Apprenticeships and gap year programs vary, but often a diploma is not required to engage in these skills-building opportunities (youth apprenticeships can start as early as 16). If a teen doesn’t want to go to a 4-year college right after high school, there are myriad other options available to them for the education and training they need for thousands of well-paying, enjoyable careers.
With that in mind, let’s reframe this scenario.
School often requires a one-size-fits-all approach to education. If your child has no interest in school, he is rejecting the mold, not the act of learning.
How is he learning if it’s not demonstrated by full engagement in school? By interacting with a world that is more aligned with his interests.
I am not advocating abandoning traditional learning. I am, however, advocating that we redefine the process we use to help our teens develop post-graduation plans so that they have the best opportunity to define success for themselves.
Ownership is one of the keys to post-high school planning success; if a teen cares about the career they want to pursue, they will invest time and energy into developing the education, training, skills, and experience necessary for it.
Instead of focusing on pressuring teens to get good grades so they will have access to “all the options,” I focus on the end result—the career—and let that dictate everything. When teens hit on a career they are really excited about, specific learning opportunities, including school, become more valuable.
Here are a few steps to get you started with this shift for your own teen:
Start With Interests and Passions: Teens have a wide variety of interests outside of their education.
Instead of considering them taboo when they take time away from studying, engage your teen in discussions around how those activities could translate into a potential career. Not sure yourself? My best friend, Google, often gives me places to start in defining how a particular interest could translate into a future career (yes, I Google: “What careers are best suited for teens who love video games?”). You and your teen may both be surprised at the amount of education, training, and experience required for those interests to turn into careers.
Encourage Real-World Experience: Identifying potential careers is the start, but getting real-world exposure to those careers is key in helping a teen really know whether it’s a good fit for them.
What looks great on YouTube, Netflix, or TikTok often is not representative of all the hard work, resilience, and skill-building required to be successful. Work with your teen to identify internships, job shadowing, or part-time jobs that can give them first-hand insight into the careers they are considering.
A good starting point is to have your teen reach out to people they see doing those jobs and request a “professional interview” to learn more. My friend Google is also a valuable resource. Try searching, “Find internships and part-time jobs that build experience for [career name].” (Check out my Google search results for a Video Game Designer)
Focus on Flexibility: Teach your teen that career planning isn’t a rigid, one-time decision—it’s an ongoing process where they’ll learn, adapt, and grow as they go.
Just as there is no single path to success, there is also no single career to support a teen’s interests. They may have a wide variety of interests, and that’s okay.
Instead of having your teen focus on only one area of interest, encourage them to explore as many as they want and build potential plans for each. You will both be surprised to learn that many industries overlap, and several careers can be stacked, each giving exposure to more skills and experience that support the next. This way, your teen doesn’t have to choose—just prioritize them according to their timeline.
While the post-high school planning process can feel complex and be filled with emotion, breaking the one-size-fits-all mentality and embracing true individuality in post-high school planning is the most effective way to help your teen.
Want more about how to help your teen?
College Is Not Mandatory book (which has a full career-development guide suitable for any teen!)
ONET My Next Move Interest Inventory and Career Research site
CareerOneStop Career Interest Assessment and Career Research site
Schedule a free Discovery Call to explore 1-1 custom career coaching
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